This is just gonna be some massive rambling.
Clearly I’ve been neglecting this WordPress for a while now heh. Honestly, I think it boils down to being pretty timid about putting myself out there. There’s so much more to writing about your thoughts or daily experiences to me than just tapping a keyboard a few hundred (or possibly thousand) times. Especially in this digitally connected age where almost EVERYONE is able to read, create or consume content made by others for the joy or satisfaction of others. The more you put out there, the more subject to criticism you become. And you sort of have to take the good with the bad. I feel pretty self conscious about people nit picking apart very small things that I would write about, despite the fact that these people will literally have zero effect on my life right now, and if anything will probably just be offering me constructive feedback. Do I just expect more from myself about trivial things? Possibly. I consider myself a decent speller and okay with grammar (not always perfect and I can already feel hidden small things I should be fixing now) but I shouldn’t let other’s negative thoughts towards me hold me back. Meaningful discussion is always welcome and appreciated, but I won’t tolerate aggression for no reason. Anyway I need some sort of creative outlet and I’m giving writing a shot.
How have y’all been? Just meh? WELL THAT’S CERTAINLY NO GOOD AND I AM HERE TO CHEER YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE UP!!!
I honestly feel you on that ‘meh’ sentiment though. I’m one week past my utter week of hell from 2016 already. Wow what a kick in the nuts that was.
- Started the week off with extreme stomach cramps at work for 3/4 of the shift
- Someone broke into my car and stole a considerable amount of money I had left in there (I know I should have brought it in but it was an oversight)
- Lifted a part wrong at work, muscle contraction hit a nerve and dropped a part but it didn’t hit me
- Found out my mom could be losing her job after 20+ years of being a loyal employee
The thing that really bothered me the most was the car break-in. Thankfully this person was just a petty thief and wanted nothing but valuables/money. They didn’t break anything in my vehicle and seeing as I keep my car relatively clean it isn’t like they ransacked it either. Other than the cash, they really didn’t get much. a broken USB and auxiliary cord that could both be replaced at the dollar store for a whopping $5. It just leaves you with this super uncomfortable feeling that a space that was once yours has been…tainted. Altered. Tampered with. And not in a ‘I invited this person into my vehicle and they made a mess’ type of way. You sometimes expect that with some friends, and while it may be rude to make a mess in another persons car, I severely doubt it would be worth ending a friendship over if you have any history with said person. It feels like this person had no right to enter what is mine; it feels like a massive violation of my space type of feeling. It leaves you feeling defenseless and almost unable to take care of yourself in a way. Totally confidence draining.
I guess it’s a good life lesson though. Learning to deal with the things you cannot control, accepting them and moving on with life. A quote that still sticks with me to this day is
“Living well is the best revenge” – George Herbert
This is a primary guiding principle in my life, and this thief, this petty criminal has certainly tested my resolve in this message. For the first two days after, my mind was filled with hateful, dark thoughts. I wanted nothing more than physical revenge on this person who had wronged me. Who had taken away my sense of security and privacy and essentially stole my time and effort in the form of monetary payment. But not only did he make me seek vengeance against him/her, he made me feel disdain towards my fellow man. Contempt in its most genuine form. I was not willing to interact with anyone with the BEST of intentions for this time. God himself could have offered me a full refund plus more of the money I lost; promised me a rich, beautiful life and a guaranteed VIP spot up in heaven and I would have scoffed him aside. I think that the thought of me being so disconnected with all of these people I have to share this beautiful world with really made me take a step back to examine how I was thinking. One person, one single person out of 7.125 billion people wronged me and I just shamelessly lumped each and every man, woman and child into such a negative category in my head to try and direct my anger and frustration onto. Only 1 person deserves that anger though, just one. Not everyone else who is simply trying to go about their day and possibly help others as well. That’s not a fair way to look at people. And most certainly it’s not a way that I want to look at people. I genuinely do believe in the good in this world. Which is why I try and make people smile more often than not.