Waiting is the worst.
Partially because you teeter back and forth between confidence in your decisions and complete and utter despair at what you’ve done. Be it job interviews, regrettable decisions after a night of drinking or putting yourself out there for any form of creative project for others to view and criticize.
I think there’s a certain standard that we set for ourselves as well. We always tend to think of ourselves as the best compared to the rest of the average population and we rarely think of the standards set by others. This is obviously one of the basic principles of our social fabric as human beings but it tends to get in the way of self reflection when we have this constant veil of superiority about us.
Let me shed some light on what I’m talking about. About 3 weeks ago now, I was in Seattle, WA for PAX Prime. It was a fantastic trip with lots to see and do. I really would like to visit the west coast more often and spend some time there. It’s so much more beautiful than the dreary boring flatness of SW-Ontario. Anyway, obviously being in full tourist mode I was taking pictures and posting them to my Instagram. I got the typical amount of likes as one would usually get, with the random non-spam real person who happened to see my pictures presumably browsing through a hashtag. (Which at this point is an amazing feeling by the way) Well one account was an Instagram dedicated to a video game/tech website. I took a quick look through their profile as I usually do when an unrecognized account happens to interact with mine. Surely enough to my surprise, they were looking for a tech reviewer! “Wow. What an opportunity that could be!” I quickly thought to myself in the hotel room. However fast that thought came into my head, it just as quickly left and was replaced with the thought “Well, they’re probably looking for experienced writers”. This thought was definitely at the forefront of my mind for the last few days I was in Seattle. When I returned home, I decided to take an unusual route from my current habits of thinking as I have been trying to do more and I sent them a message about the position. To be honest, I wasn’t even considering monetary compensation. I just wanted to get some practice writing articles reviewing technology. I absolutely love technology and find myself drawn towards it in almost every sense. “Why not? Even if they say no, what do I have to lose by asking?”.
And even though I can very heavily be considered ‘Under qualified’, I was given a shot. Yes. What an amazing feeling. Being trusted enough to get a shot at something I’ve always been interested in seemed like SUCH an opportunity. I was as giddy as a schoolgirl listening to a new Backstreet Boys song.
Once I was told my piece to write about, I spent roughly a day and a half taking in all the relevant information I could findt. The subject matter at hand, writing techniques, formatting of a news article, you name it. After a few hours of reading, re-reading, re-arranging and nit-picking my review into something I felt good about, I saved the file and sent it away to my contact.
And now we play the waiting game.
Wherein we discover waiting is the worst. Why do we always question our work after such a positive self review and analysis of it? I was so incredibly confident with how much I edited that article. Then literally two seconds after I hit send, BAM. I started questioning everything about it. What if it was too short? Not the right content? Not the right format he was looking for? Gah. So many things that could go wrong. But we never focus on what could go RIGHT!. I took a chance and put myself out there to chase after a position doing something I absolutely would love! I don’t have anything to be ashamed of for trying and putting myself out there. I even included with my sent article that if it wasn’t what he was looking for, any feedback to improve myself would be highly appreciated. Which can only be used as a positive.
Here’s hoping that what I wrote was good enough!