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Forgiveness. For them and yourself.

Hey all!

I’ve been thinking a lot lately as per usual and wanted to write this entry. Not many people tend to see my non Daily post challenges, but hopefully if you are reading this then maybe you can do some reflection.

I’ve touched a bit on this subject before. Bullying and being a victim of it. But I failed to realize that I too have bullied people and have made people feel like crap. Realizing it was a somber feeling that took me back a bit to say the least. But hey, it’s clear as day in my head.

Human’s are not perfect. We have all erred at some point in our lives. Sometimes people have the sense of mind to look back at their actions and truly reflect on what they’ve done and how they’ve impacted people. Others seem to just live in blissful ignorance. I was bullied by a select few who made my life very uncomfortable in public school and High School, making me nervous and afraid to be myself. And that feeling manifested in me succumbing to THEIR thoughts and views on people which I carried out sometimes. Possibly in a way to hopefully impress them so they would leave me alone. I realize now how wrong that was. I was never physical with anyone however. I was too wiry and skinny to hold my own in a fight. But I would turn people away, genuine good people who wanted to be my friend because of the views that these select people had of them. I constantly find myself thinking and observing my past doings. Wondering what, if any wrongs I have caused. I shouldn’t hold so much against myself, and I certainly am trying not to because I was much, much younger when this was all happening. Nowadays, I really try and be the best person I can be. I’m not out to start shit with anyone. I don’t want people to feel like crap. I’ve felt like crap for the past I-don’t-even-know how many years now. I would NEVER wish those feelings on anyone. I just want to spread a message of positivity, happiness and being true to yourself.

I wish I didn’t let social pressures as a kid growing up in a small town dictate my actions around certain people who wanted to be my friend. I wish I could take back all of the things I said or did to make people upset. I know those people who may have been on the receiving end of my bullshit have grown up into some pretty great people. Whether or not they view the events of the past like I do, I hope that I get a chance to apologize to them.

But herein lies the dichotomy of this situation, if I ever saw those who made my life hell during my formative years, I genuinely don’t believe that I could forgive them. And to be honest, I don’t think I ever will. It’s not because I don’t want to. I’ve read that forgiveness isn’t for the other person, it’s for yourself. I want to let go of the animosity and the bad feelings, but I feel like it’s a defense mechanism that has been ingrained in my brain at this point. Just the thought of those people stirs up such bad memories that I need to stop what I’m doing and clear my head or do something to take my mind off of the thoughts.

I hope that I never caused anyone as much trouble as I mentioned above. I have forgiven people in the past who have wronged me, as I will continue to do in the future. And just try to be the best version of myself that I can.

 

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Egg Recipes

Two questions:

  1. What is your favorite egg recipe?
  2. What is your favorite way to cook eggs?

There are so many great ways to cook such a simplistic food. Often we over complicate something so simple. Here is a favorite recipe of mine, as demonstrated by none other than Gordon Ramsay.

 

I have tried this one myself, and can honestly say it is my FAVORITE way of making scrambled eggs. If you get a chance, definitely try it yourself!

So lets see how you like your eggs!

via Daily Prompt: Egg

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How do you overcome yourself?

My last entry I said “Back to the training!”

Yeah. I haven’t done that. Like at all. Which sucks because I can feel the physical effects of NOT working out. Low energy, poor quality of sleep, overall just feeling like a piece of poo. And it’s feeling next to impossible to get back on track.

Part of it is admittedly my fault. Not being active enough to chase after my goals. This current work schedule however, makes it next to impossible. 12-9pm is probably one of the worst schedules I’ve worked. I rarely ever leave before 9:30pm, the job is mentally stressful which often occupies my mind when I come home. And if I don’t unwind then I dream about being at work. I think everyone has dreamed about being at work at least once, and it leaves you absolutely mentally exhausted the next day. You’re stressed before you even have the chance to become stressed again. So staying up later means waking up later, which just means less time for myself in the “morning” when I eventually do drag my carcass out of the bed sheets. My quality of sleep is fucking piss poor, feels like I don’t even hit REM cycles. I’m 100% certain I am not meeting my caloric intake goals as well (one instance where being stupidly tall/lanky has its drawbacks).

All of the above just puts up such a mental barrier.
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Yeah yeah, excuses excuses Bryan.

It sucks when I watch people on YouTube who I look up to and want to emulate in terms of success and goals doing just that. Achieving what they set out to do. I have to start setting aside my distractions and start planning better. And I’m hoping by making this a touch more public maybe some of you can keep me more accountable.

Sorry for rambling and ranting, but I needed to get this off my chest.

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