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Interest

Oh hello!

Glad to finally be back writing. How are you doing?

Things have been hectic with me. Really all over the place. Can’t seem to dedicate any time to actual writing. That and the last 3 times I have actually sat down here and tried to write anything I get writers block.

This seems like an easy topic to write about though. What in life really catches your interest? There are certain things we are naturally attracted to in life. I always catch myself looking at nice cars when they drive by. Or admiring architecture when I visit a big city. I’m definitely the type of guy who is completely content being silent and just looking. Taking everything in. I think it’s a type of meditation for me. Just to stop and really observe what is around me. I find comfort in really looking at the details.

So, spill the beans! What really interests you?

via Daily Prompt: Interest

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The Truth.

If there’s one theme I’ve been trying to accomplish more in my life, it is definitely to stand up to myself more and just be real. Well…here is a real truth.

I’m fucking depressed.

And I have been for quite some time. Like…the past 4 or 5 years to be honest. There are multiple reasons, but I wont get into all of them. Though I’m sure through my previous vague writings you could take a pretty accurate guess as to what would be ONE consistent theme. Lately though, it has just been the thought of my job and my desires for what I want to do.

See, I hate my job. I’ve made that clear for a while and make no effort to hide it. It is plain and simply a terrible place to work. I dedicate far too much time to that place. Far more than I need to. What I do there makes so little difference to the world. I am but a tiny spec and nobody special. I want out. I want to walk away from this poison and make my life better. But what has become painfully obvious to me is that I lack any crucial life skills to make a difference or get a ‘better’ job. I want to run away from my hometown and not return. Delete my Facebook. Just start a new life. Yet the fear of the unknown has kept me obediently in place. I daydream constantly, CONSTANTLY about getting away. It’s really the only thought that keeps me sane.

For the longest time now, I’ve been wanting to join the military. Again.

Yeah, again.

I was in high school when I gave the reserves a shot. Between me being WHOLLY unprepared/spoiled/too young/immature/weak minded/lacking discipline…you see where this is going. I didn’t even make it two weekends. I was an immature fuck-tard and rushed head first into something I should have taken some time to look into. And it is nobody’s fault my my own. But the more I read into it now however, the more I think it is exactly what I need in my life. Structure, dedication, discipline. Except the above factor plays in, and I become paralyzed with fear and self doubt.

I was never shown how to beat the voice in my head that told me “You can’t do it”. Then again, now that I think about it, not many people were. A vast majority of us will be fighting these battles at some point in our lives. And I hope, should anybody be reading this (doubtful) that you do manage to win your battle. I wouldn’t wish this feeling on my worst enemy. I guess the best way to accomplish victory is to stand up and face my demons face to face. To not back down, to look it in the eye and say “No, you move”.

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Positivity

I think one of the most positive things to ever happen to me has happened today.

I’ve been doing a lot of calisthenics/bodyweight exercises to help get me ready for a Tough Mudder I am doing. And for the first time in a very, VERY long time, I looked at myself today after getting caught in the rain and removing my shirt and immediately thought “Hey, I don’t look so bad!”. No hesitation, no forcing it, the thought just popped into my head. I’ve struggled with body image my whole life. To feel this thought is amazing. I have to keep going. I want to become the best version of me I can be.

 

Bryan.

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Islanders

What makes people/civilizations from Islands so tough? All throughout history, smaller Island nations have been the most vigorous, tough and ruthless in their conquests. Hell, Britain owned 1/4 of the world at one point I believe.

Japan’s history includes probably the most disciplined warriors to EVER walk the Earth. Pre WW2 Japanese warriors would rather give up their own life than surrender, seeing surrender as an unforgivable shame.

The brave men and women who set sail to find other lands for a more prosperous life have all but died out in this generation. There are many who still set sail for their country, proudly serving their nation with utmost bravery. In this time, we have found all there is to explore in land mass. I wish I could be alive in the future for a time where we get to explore and colonize other planets and sail the stars.

Sail

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