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Forgiveness. For them and yourself.

Hey all!

I’ve been thinking a lot lately as per usual and wanted to write this entry. Not many people tend to see my non Daily post challenges, but hopefully if you are reading this then maybe you can do some reflection.

I’ve touched a bit on this subject before. Bullying and being a victim of it. But I failed to realize that I too have bullied people and have made people feel like crap. Realizing it was a somber feeling that took me back a bit to say the least. But hey, it’s clear as day in my head.

Human’s are not perfect. We have all erred at some point in our lives. Sometimes people have the sense of mind to look back at their actions and truly reflect on what they’ve done and how they’ve impacted people. Others seem to just live in blissful ignorance. I was bullied by a select few who made my life very uncomfortable in public school and High School, making me nervous and afraid to be myself. And that feeling manifested in me succumbing to THEIR thoughts and views on people which I carried out sometimes. Possibly in a way to hopefully impress them so they would leave me alone. I realize now how wrong that was. I was never physical with anyone however. I was too wiry and skinny to hold my own in a fight. But I would turn people away, genuine good people who wanted to be my friend because of the views that these select people had of them. I constantly find myself thinking and observing my past doings. Wondering what, if any wrongs I have caused. I shouldn’t hold so much against myself, and I certainly am trying not to because I was much, much younger when this was all happening. Nowadays, I really try and be the best person I can be. I’m not out to start shit with anyone. I don’t want people to feel like crap. I’ve felt like crap for the past I-don’t-even-know how many years now. I would NEVER wish those feelings on anyone. I just want to spread a message of positivity, happiness and being true to yourself.

I wish I didn’t let social pressures as a kid growing up in a small town dictate my actions around certain people who wanted to be my friend. I wish I could take back all of the things I said or did to make people upset. I know those people who may have been on the receiving end of my bullshit have grown up into some pretty great people. Whether or not they view the events of the past like I do, I hope that I get a chance to apologize to them.

But herein lies the dichotomy of this situation, if I ever saw those who made my life hell during my formative years, I genuinely don’t believe that I could forgive them. And to be honest, I don’t think I ever will. It’s not because I don’t want to. I’ve read that forgiveness isn’t for the other person, it’s for yourself. I want to let go of the animosity and the bad feelings, but I feel like it’s a defense mechanism that has been ingrained in my brain at this point. Just the thought of those people stirs up such bad memories that I need to stop what I’m doing and clear my head or do something to take my mind off of the thoughts.

I hope that I never caused anyone as much trouble as I mentioned above. I have forgiven people in the past who have wronged me, as I will continue to do in the future. And just try to be the best version of myself that I can.

 

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Egg Recipes

Two questions:

  1. What is your favorite egg recipe?
  2. What is your favorite way to cook eggs?

There are so many great ways to cook such a simplistic food. Often we over complicate something so simple. Here is a favorite recipe of mine, as demonstrated by none other than Gordon Ramsay.

 

I have tried this one myself, and can honestly say it is my FAVORITE way of making scrambled eggs. If you get a chance, definitely try it yourself!

So lets see how you like your eggs!

via Daily Prompt: Egg

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How do you overcome yourself?

My last entry I said “Back to the training!”

Yeah. I haven’t done that. Like at all. Which sucks because I can feel the physical effects of NOT working out. Low energy, poor quality of sleep, overall just feeling like a piece of poo. And it’s feeling next to impossible to get back on track.

Part of it is admittedly my fault. Not being active enough to chase after my goals. This current work schedule however, makes it next to impossible. 12-9pm is probably one of the worst schedules I’ve worked. I rarely ever leave before 9:30pm, the job is mentally stressful which often occupies my mind when I come home. And if I don’t unwind then I dream about being at work. I think everyone has dreamed about being at work at least once, and it leaves you absolutely mentally exhausted the next day. You’re stressed before you even have the chance to become stressed again. So staying up later means waking up later, which just means less time for myself in the “morning” when I eventually do drag my carcass out of the bed sheets. My quality of sleep is fucking piss poor, feels like I don’t even hit REM cycles. I’m 100% certain I am not meeting my caloric intake goals as well (one instance where being stupidly tall/lanky has its drawbacks).

All of the above just puts up such a mental barrier.
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Yeah yeah, excuses excuses Bryan.

It sucks when I watch people on YouTube who I look up to and want to emulate in terms of success and goals doing just that. Achieving what they set out to do. I have to start setting aside my distractions and start planning better. And I’m hoping by making this a touch more public maybe some of you can keep me more accountable.

Sorry for rambling and ranting, but I needed to get this off my chest.

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Noise Pollution

Everyone knows to escape the city to get the best view of the night sky. All that light pollution is nice in its own sense, namely when you’re walking the street and taking in some great city scenery, but you can’t see the stars in the city.

So how do you go about getting rid of all the noise?

It’s hard to cancel out all the noise. Seems like nowadays, we’re constantly being bombarded with noise but also looking for something to occupy our mind. Hell, as I am writing this right now I have the Spartan Ops story cut-scenes playing on YouTube. The constant cacophony of our lives can be overwhelming.

Yesterday (Sunday) I left my grandmothers house after a long day of sewing my Halloween costume with her sewing wisdom and spending time together. She lives out in a small town with very little light pollution. So when I got to my car, I paused for 5 minutes and just stared up into the sky. It was refreshing to just hear nothing.

I think some meditation is necessary in the near future. I need to work on calming my mind.

 

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A feeling I didn’t expect.

This week was a very good week.

Last Sunday, the 8th of October, I ran my very first 10k! What a joyous time it was(nt). I ran it in under an hour and didn’t pause for any of it so I’m considering that a great victory!

So naturally I decided to take this past week off of training and whatnot to just rest and recover. It was really nice to just come home and not worry about getting a run in or doing any calisthenics, especially because my work schedule is so wonky right now. The only thing that suffered is my nutrition. I’m not old by any means, but the past few years I have definitely noticed some changes with my body as I start to progress in age. Namely, I need to be FAR more invested in the food I consume.

Admittedly I let this week get out of hand in terms of nutrition. Fast food for over half the week with very little meal prep. And what little time I spent at home instead of work was mostly me trying to get Halloween Loot Boxes on Overwatch (Which out of over 15 boxes now I still have NONE AAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH).

I’ve been on and off with nutrition now for a while. I’ll have a solid one or two weeks of very good meal prepping with everything ready to go. Then I’ll have another one or two weeks of shitty processed food because I slacked off in prep. I never used to experience the sluggishness that everyone spoke about. It was certainly a feeling I didn’t expect.

Let this week of experience be a lesson to the few who read this, CARE ABOUT THE FOOD YOU PUT INTO YOUR BODY. That doesn’t mean it has to be “Organic” or cost $40/lb, just make sure it’s whole food, lots of varied colours, and don’t go too crazy on the sauces. It’s okay to splurge and have fast food once in a while. Just don’t make it a habit like I did.

Now that my rest week is over, back to the training!

via Daily Prompt: Expect

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Interest

Oh hello!

Glad to finally be back writing. How are you doing?

Things have been hectic with me. Really all over the place. Can’t seem to dedicate any time to actual writing. That and the last 3 times I have actually sat down here and tried to write anything I get writers block.

This seems like an easy topic to write about though. What in life really catches your interest? There are certain things we are naturally attracted to in life. I always catch myself looking at nice cars when they drive by. Or admiring architecture when I visit a big city. I’m definitely the type of guy who is completely content being silent and just looking. Taking everything in. I think it’s a type of meditation for me. Just to stop and really observe what is around me. I find comfort in really looking at the details.

So, spill the beans! What really interests you?

via Daily Prompt: Interest

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